Changing... Me, Him and Littleun

I used to keep a diary about Littleuns adventures to remind myself what he was like growing up. I came across this entry from a couple of years ago which would have been written about this time (the bit about not seeing fella, it always happens in January). It made me smile but also think. He hasn’t changed much, still has his days where grapes are the only food. Nursery is now not a battle about going, but the leaving is definitely still a problem. The cat still escapes and as its January, I’m halfway through the month without the Fella! The main difference, well it’s me. Before I would have sat and cried with all this stress, feeling useless as a mum and partner. Nowadays I am dealing with more stress but seem much calmer and I put this down to finally accepting myself for who I am and not worrying about what other folk think. Try it, it’s a bit liberating!

Heres the entry;

"I woke up to find Littleun sitting next to me, right next to me, I mean on top, well almost.

Immediately I realise that the reason he had escaped was to get to the toilet and to go p**, unfortunately he hasn’t mastered the art of wiping and now my bedding was somewhat soiled.

Try and run bath to clean said child only to find out that the boiler has broken down over night and flooded the kitchen.

Read emails, but can’t thanks to AOL crashing.

Try to feed Littleun but if it’s not grapes he won’t eat, clean porridge and other food off walls.

Take him outside to play on beach, change him twice before we get there.

Try for lunch, see above breakfast for results.

Read gossip board, but have so many posts (over 4000) that before I get anywhere AOL has crashed.

Change him for afternoon nursery, one torn jumper due to him trying to take it off the same time as I’m trying to get it on him. Get to nursery and proceed to be hit by him as he doesn’t want to go inside, once his key worker opens the door I marvel at the instantaneous change from “666” child to Angel when he sees her. I’m standing there with hair half out, jumper pulled all over and red-faced.

Go home, try and read AOL, can’t even log on this time!

Cry as I realise that this is the middle day of almost a month without the Fella.

Pick Littleun up from nursery only to be told how wonderful he his, seconds later in the car I’m ducking low flying toys as he doesn’t want to go home but wants to stay with V his key worker. (I’m so loved by him!)

Once home, try to get him to eat for the 3rd time, why I bothered I don’t know. Running out of floor flash.

Start cooking roast chicken dinner as my sister is coming round and I hear an almighty crash, go and investigate only to find him sitting in the middle of broken glass and china. He has decided climbing my display cabinet was a good idea and has managed to break my wedding champagne flute and other old sentimental things.

Clean up mess, check child for injuries, go back to put roasting pan in oven as I had been moving it when heard crash. Suddenly realise that there are thuds of tiny feet coming from the bathroom upstairs. Don’t realise this in time as I hear crying and see that he has slipped off the footstall he uses and has knocked himself on the head. Promptly try to cuddle child to calm him and get thumped by him as he try’s to stand up. One black eye.

Phone mum for reassuring talk that I haven’t raised Beelzebub and I’m not a nasty neglectful mum, only for her to tell me to “stop running to her crying every time something goes wrong”

Sister comes in sees mess and in trying to help forgets to shut front door which leads onto a very busy street, cat escapes.

Littleun in bed, cat back indoors. I decide that a quick swift shot of sambuca to calm my nerves is a great idea.

Today have hangover from hell and a child who has switched identities in the night and is now being sweet and “singing for mummy”.

The joys of having a Littleun, I’m sure the Krypton Factor was easier… "